So I open up my emails today and I get this one from Reid Supply. I read this thing and shook my head over how disconnected Marketing and PR people really are from reality. Add to that C suite level officers that think this stuff is productive and worth spending money on.
I decided that I would re-write this so that in plain language the same intent could be conveyed. I am not sure by the way what is in the bottled designer water that Marketing people and the C Suite guys that hire them drink. Let me re-phrase that. The hygienic user-friendly eco-sensitive bio-degradable visually distinctive impermeable container that leverages the considerable additive capabilities of nutritive substances that empower original,creative and innovative thought in a Di-Hydrous Oxide base. In any case here is my version of their stuff.
“As a valued customer we are telling you we are changing our name on 6-26-13 from Filtrona plc to Essentra plc. Then by 12-31-13 it will change to Essentra Components
Essentra, a name our Marketing guys created out of thin air was chosen to justify our salaries after many meetings and is meant to exemplify the idea that we will continue to sell many different parts just like we always have. We spent a lot of time and money to do this and we hope you appreciate our efforts.
As part of our Vision 2015 psychobabble justification for what we have done and to justify our salaries Filtrona has adopted a whole slewpot full of jargon based meaningless things that sound great and our bosses eat it up. We hope you do to!
The re-branding means nothing to you on a practical level but we want you to be excited about all the things that are not going to change.
We will feed you PR pabulum as this progresses in an effort to further justify the money we make for the meaningless and irrelevant things that we do. It does look good to potential investment funds though who swallow this kind of stuff hook line and sinker.
We will probably be consolidating our shipping centers which will mean longer lead times to get your stuff and we hope you understand.
Screw you if you don’t like this.
Mr. Big Shot
And finally, honesty in Marketing by the Onion.